The College Admissions Scandal and How We’re Killing Our Kids: The Relentless Pursuit of Unhappiness

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

The college admissions cheating scandal is filling the news lately. I led a college prep high school for 14 years and put three daughters through college myself, so I’ve got some experience in that admissions game.

Yes, the college admissions scandal is about cheating.

Yes, the college admissions scandal is about wealthy people having a big advantage over 90% of American families trying to get into elite colleges.

But these are really just symptoms of a deeper and more important problem: our society’s relentless pursuit of Unhappiness.

We are teaching our kids to chase shiny things like status, money, being a starting player on the best travel ball team, getting the most followers on social media, wearing the right brands…

And getting into elite colleges.

We teach our kids to chase these things not because our children will develop into their best self, but because it is socially prestigious. It’s an indicator that our kids are “successful”. It’s an indicator that we are “successful” parents.

That’s the deeper, more important problem. Chasing shiny things in life is making our kids depressed and killing them. How bad is it?

• Suicide is the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 34.
• The rate of depression among young people increased 63% from 2009 to 2017.
• 40% of college kids in spring 2017 said they experienced depression so deep it was difficult for them to function.

Those are statistics. Go read the article, How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation by Anne Helen Peterson to get a feel for what we’re setting our kids up for.

The author is a 34-year-old “successful” millennial who has spent her life chasing what she’s been told to chase, and she is burned out. Miserable. Deeply unhappy. Read the article and feel her pain.

The article resonates with young people because it captures their life experience. They’ve chased everything we’ve told them to chase and they are burned out. Miserable. Deeply unhappy.

Here’s what is most surprising: In 8,000 words about life, the millennial author never mentions the word Happiness. Never mentions relationship. Never talks about fulfillment in life.

It’s like no one ever told her that life is about Happiness. It doesn’t seem to be in her frame of reference.

We have more education and wealth than ever in human history, yet the suicide and depression rates are skyrocketing.

We’re quite literally teaching our kids to chase shiny things in life that destroy them psychologically, spiritually and physically.

All in the name of attending the elite academic or athletic school. All in the chase for shiny things that we call “success”.

All in a relentless pursuit of Unhappiness.

What’s the answer? We need to teach our kids the real meaning of life—Happiness—and how to pursue it.

This week I visited my friend, Dave, who just had a tumor removed from his brain. He showed me what looked like a hundred staples running across his head. Fortunately, the tumor was benign.

When he was diagnosed, hundreds of friends came to visit. While he was in surgery, more than 60 people gathered and prayed for him at the hospital. His family, friends, partners and employees were all behind him because they love him.

Dave told me he was ok if the tumor was malignant because he knew that life and Happiness are all about good relationships—with yourself, with your friends and family, and with your Creator. Dave has those relationships.

Dave is facing a deep life-challenge, and he’s never been more fulfilled.

There’s an 80-year ongoing Harvard Study on Adult Development that backs him on that. It’s very clear: Happiness does not come from money or power or status or education.

Happiness comes from high-quality relationships. Period.

Our society profoundly misses that Truth about Happiness and life. You can’t win by swimming against the societal rip-tide. It’s too powerful. But you can swim out the side of the rip-tide.

Life should be your story of pursuing Happiness by seeking wisdom and engaging in high-quality, loving relationships.

Wisdom is knowledge of the Truth combined with the character, the habits, to live the Truth. It is the foundation for good relationships because wise people are trustworthy.

Wisdom is also the foundation for great parenting. Wise parents raise their kids to pursue Happiness by developing wisdom and good, loving relationships, not to chase shiny things.

You’ll find that great relationships will make you more successful in your work, with your family and friends, and in your community.

Good leaders know that great relationships with clients and great relationships with your team are the key to success. The irony is that pursuing wisdom and relationships will make you more money in business than chasing the shiny distractions.

You’ll have much deeper, long-term relationships with your partner and kids. Your friendships will gain meaning.

Most important, when you experience some deep life-challenge or tragedy, you’ll find people standing with you, helping you carry whatever tough burdens you’ve got.

You’ll suffer together. You’ll love together. You’ll become closer than ever.

And that experience of sharing deep, self-giving love, agape, will bring you Happiness.

That’s the most important lesson we can learn from the college admissions scandal.